Jessi is one of the best educators I have ever had the pleasure of working with; not to mention, she makes working a lot of fun!!  When she was completing her bachelor’s degree, she was my assistant in my Kindergarten class.  She was so devoted and kind that she would actually go clock out, then return to my classroom and work until the job was done. Just a few days after the school year ended, she got engaged and became an Army wife.  Let her tell you the story…

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

I grew up in Sierra Vista, Arizona which is right outside of Fort Huachuca. I met my husband while he was stationed at Ft. Huachuca two years ago. We are currently stationed at Fort Drum, New York.  In a few short weeks my husband and I will be packing to move to Germany.

This is the first holiday season we are together for and we are spending both at his family’s house.  I had a hard year last year with my husband gone. I had surgery, I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, I taught my first year, I moved across country— all without my husband.

Did growing up in a military town make the idea of being an Army wife more or less appealing?

I think growing up in a military town it helped me to better understand what it would be like as an Army wife. I wouldn’t trade it for anything now because of all the experiences I’ve had. I have many family members who served, which helped me to understand Army life, too.  Growing up I swore that I’d never date a military member and here I am now an Army wife.

Your husband recently returned from a deployment, can you talk about what that experience was like?

His deployment was a rough year that brought us together and made our relationship stronger. The first ten months flew by with the last month and half dragging by. We both grew up and into people that make our parents proud.

I was hired as a teacher two days before he deployed, and I worked the rest of the school year which helped pass the time. All the grading, teaching, lesson plans and everything else helped to make me not think about what I was missing with my husband. He normally had tons of work but some weeks he had nothing to do. Those weeks I think were the hardest for him because his mind wasn’t busy.

This was the first homecoming for both of us. He has been home now for a little over a month, but it seems as if he just got home yesterday.  His parents and sister drove up (they live two hours away from Ft. Drum) to welcome him home with me.

You had health problems over the past year or so, how did you handle all of this while your husband was away?

At first I brushed it off as a stomach because I was working with Amy in a Kindergarten classroom. As it started to happen more often, family pushed me to go to the doctor.

Later we discovered it was my gall bladder that was making me ill. After 9 months of testing and blood work, I kept pushing the doctors to help me find out what was wrong. It was hard to have the health problems, but it was very frustrating to not know what was wrong with me.

Both my husband and I struggled with what to do but both came to terms that I’d probably have surgery while he was gone. With my parents with me, my husband and I decided it would be best for him to stay in Iraq and not come home for my surgery. All went well, he was able to call and check up on me after my surgery and he even sent me get well flowers!

Did your husband’s job affect your wedding plans/arrangements?

At first we were thinking about planning a nice big wedding for March 2009. I had a feeling that he’d most likely come down on deployment orders when he arrived at Ft. Drum. Sure enough –he arrived at his Unit, and they welcomed him with bad news that he’d be leaving in October.

He called me and we discussed the possibility of getting married when he came home on leave that month. He came to visit me, and six days later we got married.

It was a beautiful wedding, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. At first, it was disheartening that I’d have to give up my dreams of a big wedding.  Through the planning and the ceremony I felt as if I were a princess. We took our honeymoon a year late but it made it worth it getting to spend two guilt-free weeks in Hawaii!

How do you keep your marriage strong when you are separated?

My husband and I were fortunate enough to be able to talk twice a day, for most of his deployment. While we would talk, we also had other things going on. It was hard, but most days it was only a few words like “I love you,” after a few weeks of these short messages he finally figured out the best time to talk to me would be during my planning period.

We would then spend most of that time talking through text messaging on my cell phone and him on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). I sent tons of care packages with food, silly toys along with letters and cards.

I don’t even think we truly fought the whole time he was gone. The time we were able to talk was too precious to waste on stupid fights and being mad at each other. I’d make sure to tell him about the little things that happened at home, at work or just in life while he was gone.

I know that you are enrolled in a Master’s program for teaching, how has your experience in the Army affected your experience with this?

When looking into universities for my Master’s Degree,  I had to look for ones that offered online degrees where I wouldn’t have to go in to take tests or attend classes. I also looked for ones that were Military Friendly with Military discounts as we are paying for it out of pocket.

How do you plan for the future when you know you will be making a major change every few years?

This has to be the hardest thing.  I can’t really plan for the future because tomorrow might not hold what we have planned. We have talked about starting a family in a few years because we are scheduled for the next three years to be in Germany.

We are both looking forward to starting our family, but want to spend time together with each other first. As for now, we take each day as it comes and plan little things such as where we are spending the holidays.

What is the best advice you could give to a new Army wife?

Best advice I ever received was to live each day like it’s your last one together.  Also, I was told not get your hopes up over plans. You have to be flexible and to be able to let go of control of your life at times.

Oh and don’t cry over something you can’t change.

How do you maintain friendships and create new ones as you relocate every few years?

This is probably the thing that is always on our minds. When moving up here I was very hesitant to make friends, but came to realize if I didn’t it would be a lonely few months. I have made several life-long friendships, as well as ones that will end when we move.  It’s a tough thing to get close to others with knowing that one of you will be moving and going elsewhere.

As Amy likes to remind me you never know when you will be together again, because as we all know the Army moves us around a lot! I look forward to getting reacquainted with friends later on down the line. If it’s meant to be it will happen.

What is your biggest challenge?

My biggest challenge is letting go of the unknown things that are going to happen in the future. I’m a planner and being an Army wife at the same time is a huge challenge.

What is the greatest opportunity?

The greatest opportunity is being able to travel. With each move you have a new area to explore, with new stores, restaurants, history and outside things to do.

After we move to Germany, we will be able to travel around Europe and explore more in the three years we will be there than some get to do in their lifetimes.

What do you want to share that I didn’t ask?

Even though I’m an Army wife, I don’t always follow in the steps of others. Sometimes you hear of those who cheat, who party, who lie or do the worst things imaginable while their loved ones are away. It takes a strong person to love someone in the Military because of the lifestyle.

It is not something anyone can do. You have to be level headed, strong and independent. Sometimes things happen in our lives that make us take a step back and think about our loved ones who are protecting us so we can have our freedom.

© 2009, Amy. All rights reserved.

This is week two of our “Real Life Army Wife” series, and I chose Sarah because she is a great example of an Army wife and mom, who is also a creative entrepreneur.  Again, another Super Mom!!

When she is not busy raising three boys (the most polite boys you’ve ever met), she has a business that she runs online and even in local boutiques.  I asked her some of her thoughts and ideas for having a successful career path when you are married to a soldier.

What kind of business do your own?

I own a sewing/crafting business named, Poutberry, specializing in stylish necessities and gifts for baby, children and mom.  I started doing this because I could never find anything at the store that was quite right for me.  It has proven to work nicely being “married to the military” because I can work from home anywhere we go.

When you decided to marry your spouse, what were your feelings about your future employment?  Did you fear that you could not continue with your career in the way you would have if your location had been stabilized?

I was more concerned with finishing school when we got married, but did fear that it might not happen because I wouldn’t be stabilized anywhere long enough.  Eventually having the boys got in the way more than the Army did!

What other jobs/career paths have you taken?

I was a successful Realtor for a couple years but this was when we were located back home during a break in service.  I had many connections and was very familiar with the area, so it was a great fit.

Lacework Half Apron

How do you advertise your business?  Has your connection to the military helped you with this?

I haven’t sought out any military connections to advertise my business, so far.  Having a husband in the military does afford you the opportunity to continually meet new people so, in that respect, the military has benefitted me some.  I advertise mostly through social networking sites currently.  I have done craft shows to get my name out in the public and to showcase my products.

What fears did you have about your career when you got married, if any?

I didn’t have any fears when we got married.  I was ready and excited for the adventure a military lifestyle offered.  I did have some fears when we came back the second time around that the connections and relationships I had formed would be lost when moving to a new location and I wouldn’t be able to continue my Real Estate career.

Sage Kleo Blanket

Were those fears ever realized?

I decided not to continue in the Real Estate field because a lot of it is based on referrals and knowledge of the area.  I lacked both when coming back to the Army so in a way, I suppose so.  I had also lost interest in this career, as my father is a builder and I worked mainly for him back home.

What advice would you give another spouse who wanted to have some sort of employment, but had a spouse in the military?

The only advice I could give is to try to choose a career path with some portability and with a high need.  I have met a lot of teachers and nurses who were Army spouses and they were always able to find employment.  Working from home is also a great option.

Hearts and Flowers Burp Cloths

Does your job depend on your location in any way?

I’m not dependent on my location.  Many of my sales are from all over the country.  I’m just starting out so if I were to build a large local clientele, it may be a different story.  Most anything I make though can be shipped to anywhere though so it really isn’t a concern for me.

What do you know now that you wish you would have known years ago?

I wish I would have realized earlier that it was OK to do something just for me.  I felt for so long that be a dutiful, loving Army wife meant that I had to put my education/career on hold to devote myself completely to my husband’s career.

I felt the need to participate in all FRG [Family Readiness Group] and Army related activities and give everything I could to show my support.  I’ve learned that I need to find a balance between the two.  I have done that now and I am much more satisfied.

Poutberry display at a local festival

My advice would be to do what you love and not let your spouse’s career slow you down.  Having a spouse in the military is stressful enough, try to do something that makes you happy.  If you have a special talent or interest, explore it.

What do you want to share that I did not ask?

The only thing that came to mind when reading through all your questions about the fears with moving and switching careers was childcare.  For families that have children, moving around and finding a reputable childcare center that has openings can be a challenge.

In the earlier years of my husband’s career, this held me back from even pursuing employment.  I was not comfortable leaving my children with “just anyone” and found it often impossible to locate a facility or someone who I trusted.  This is what else ultimately led me to start working from home.

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Note from Amy: I highly recommend Poutberry products because they are so cute and very durable!  We recently ordered a few gifts for our friends because we know how satisfied they will be with them.  Her prices are so reasonable; it’s hard to believe you can get cute boutique goods without the boutique price tag! For our Fort Bragg friends, Sarah will be displaying her Poutberry goodies at the Yule Mart, November 20-22.

One last thing: Our thoughts are with those who have lost so much in Fort Hood this week.  We have a few readers in that area, and we just want you to know we are sending our love and prayers.

© 2009, Amy. All rights reserved.

We are kicking off the “Real Life Army Wife” series where we feature awesome Army Wives.  Meet Kristi, loving wife and mother of two sweet girls; she’s pretty much your typical Super Woman!

Describe your experience as an Army wife.
I haven’t loved every minute of it, but if given the chance, I would do it again. It’s amazing, it really is!

Tell us a little bit about yourself.
I grew up in a tiny little town in Utah. My dad was in the National Guard my entire childhood (and still is) and that gave me a small taste of what the military was like. I graduated high school, went to college, and decided to join the Army on a whim.  My dad actually said, “No daughter of mine will ever join the military.”

So of course that meant I had to defy him and do it the next day.

I spent three years in the Army, the first year learning Russian and the next two as a chaplains assistant. I was stationed at Redstone Arsenal when I met my husband…and the rest they say is history!

Your husband recently returned from a deployment, can you talk about what that experience was like?

His deployment was harder on the kids than it was on me because I had a much better grasp on the situation and when it would end. The saddest part of the whole experience was when I realized that our youngest, who just turned 3, had come to terms with the fact that dad was gone, but wouldn’t believe me that he was coming back! She kept telling me dad was with Thelma (our bulldog that had died a few months earlier).

The hardest part is not adjusting to them being gone…with kids it’s pretty easy to get lost in taking care of them and the house, but adjusting to them being BACK is a trial.

When it’s just you in charge your schedule changes, your priorities change, and a few of the rules change. When Donnie got home I had a real hard time sharing the responsibility and letting him take over a few of the parenting duties.

A few days after he got home Marlys did something to her sister and Donnie was the first one on the scene. I was so mad at the way he handled it because A: It wasn’t how I would have handled it…B: Who the heck was he to move in here and start disciplining MY kids…and C: For some reason I didn’t want dad to be the bad guy so soon. It was all really stupid now that I think about it.It’s just that it was almost like a stranger had moved in and was trying to take over!

This deployment was easier because he had a cell phone and I was able to call him whenever I needed to get a hold of him, but harder because I didn’t have my family here and I had two  little girls who were more confused than I was. His first deployment was in 2004.

The war in Iraq was still pretty new and I wasn’t able to call him…I had to wait for him to call me. There were times I wouldn’t hear from him for a week or two. Marlys (my daughter) and I moved to Utah and lived with my parents while he was gone. She was only 3 months old so it didn’t really affect her so much. She was 15 months old when he returned though and it took a week or two for her to warm up to him.

How do you keep your sanity when you are the solely responsible for two children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without family nearby?

There were days when I questioned if I had any sanity left! Seriously though, I’ve learned to be pretty independent. I knew that I could wallow in self pity or just deal with it and carry on. I’ve seen the Army wives that choose to be pathetic…and I don’t ever want to be like that!

I worked a lot on our house and I spent a lot of time with the girls that honestly, if Donnie had been home, would have been impossible. It was fun to just be us and act like a bunch of silly little girls.

I talk to my mom and 3 sisters every day, so I was able to vent to them if I had an issue or a complaint, but all in all, it wasn’t so bad. My girls are hilarious and it was a joy to have them all to myself! (And I think they enjoyed having mom all to themselves, too!)

How do you keep your marriage strong when you are separated?

Like I mentioned before, there are a lot of Army wives that don’t handle it well, and I’ve watched them send their husbands off to war and move their boyfriend in the next day.

I have never been able to wrap my mind around that. When my husband is gone, I realize that he is gone for the sole purpose of fighting a war that could very well end his life.

I never missed an opportunity to make him feel loved! When it was our anniversary I had someone else in his office decorate his cubicle with balloons and a love letter I had written him.

Every time we talked I made sure he knew how much I loved him.

But I think that for Donnie, knowing that I was at home doing what I should be doing and taking care of things so he didn’t have to worry about them, took a lot of pressure off. When you love and trust each other as much as we do, a deployment isn’t going to change that.

What is the best advice you could give to a new Army wife?

Until you get the hang of things..it’s not going to be fun. The Army is a completely insane and crazy lifestyle filled with constant chaos. You will never be able to settle in one spot. It is full of goodbyes and heartache. It will determine your every move…where you send your children to school…who your doctor is…and just when you find that perfect neighborhood and get settled in and feel like you’ve finally found your place in this world…SURPRISE! You’re moving.

Your husband will leave for work before you wake up and sometimes not get home until you’re already asleep. He will miss holidays each year..sometimes all of them.

But you will never feel more pride than the day you send your man off to war. You will feel a type of joy that others will never ever experience the day he comes home to you. You will have the honor of being surrounded by America’s finest every day, and your children will grow up understanding what a REAL hero is.

You will learn what is important and what isn’t. You will have friends all over the world that you can call on any time you need them. You’ll cherish your husband more because you know what it’s like to not have him around. That makes the good times even better.

So my advice is this: Not everyone gets this opportunity. Don’t screw it up.

How do you maintain friendships and create new ones as you relocate every few years?

I find that I don’t really have the time or the need for a lot of friends at this point in my life. I have my life-long best friend Jill who lives in Utah. Our kids are the same age and we talk maybe just twice a month or so. I have my 3 sisters that I talk to every day, and my mom. I talk to her at least twice a day. Throw my husband in that mix and I’m pretty satisfied!

Most of our other friends are people we meet at church or through our daughters’ activities. We like to entertain and do it quite often. There are a few people we occasionally go out to eat with or something, but my phone conversations throughout the day satisfy my need for “me time.”

The thing about military friends is that they don’t have a lot of time either. It’s different that regular friendships. You don’t want to get too close, but you know they will help you with anything you need.

We have friends all over the world, but they don’t require a lot of maintenance!

Has being an Army wife affected your career options or ambitions?

The army has paid for my college, so that’s pretty awesome, but I don’t have any desire to work outside the home until my babies are both in school. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and the Army has given us that opportunity. There are a lot of programs aimed at Army wives and getting them educations for jobs that will transfer when they do though.

What is your biggest challenge?

I would say my biggest challenge is being so far away from my family. Of course they all can’t understand why we stay in when it means living so far away from home, but then again none of them have ever known anything but living in Utah!

I love Utah and I love home, but I also love this crazy ride we’re on and the opportunities my children have that they wouldn’t otherwise. I like being so independent and adventurous. I do hate that my nieces and nephews barely know me or the girls, and I hate watching all of them grow up in pictures.
What do you want to share that I didn’t ask?

How about my biggest pet peeve! Nothing irks me more than how quickly people change their patriotism. After 9-11 this country was full of pride and they all supported our military men and women. Guess what people? We’re still at war! Soldiers are dying every day. Why doesn’t this matter to some people?

Michael Jackson died and the whole world talked about it for months. What did he ever do that can compare to what any of our military members are doing? Why does he matter more?

I saw a really good quote the other day. It said “America is not at war. The US military is at war. America is at the mall.”

Thank you so much Kristi for sharing your lovely stories and family with us. You can follow Kristi on her blog here. If you are an Army Wife, we would love to hear your story.  Email Amy at amy@clickclackmom.com for more details.

© 2009, Amy. All rights reserved.

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I have spent many of the past 24 hours feeling so sorry for myself.  Like a warm jacuzzi that I can’t drag myself out of, I have been chest-deep in a warm funk.

Just when I was beginning to feel a little cocky…in fact, a little guilty that I was so happy in our new, temporary set up.

Bam!

Without warning or reason, I am feeling sorry for myself for taking care of Jackson all day and feeling a little like a single mother, sorry that my dog has been a misfit since we arrived and barks loudly, undoubtedly annoying the entire neighborhood,  and sorry that I miss my husband.  (During these times of prolonged self-pity, I make it a point NOT to try to think of people who have dealt with tougher situations.)

And I don’t really want to call or email my family or friends.

My pity party can only have one guest.

If I vocalized my heartaches, someone, anyone, could talk me down in minutes.  I knew that.

And when my husband called today, he did exactly that. It was simply good for my soul to hear his calming voice, to hear his calming words.  Although we couldn’t talk for long, it seemed to patch up my heart.

Once I had emerged from this place, I didn’t want to go back.  So to keep myself away from the funk, I opted for some retail therapy.  Is it sad that it actually worked?  I picked up a cappuccino and made my way to T.J. Maxx to find some great deals.  That was the last step to kicking out a very unwelcome guest.

So there you have it–that’s how I fell in– and got out of–my first big funk since my husband left.  Now I want a hot shower.

© 2009, Amy. All rights reserved.