Today something very awkward happened at, of all places, Hobby Lobby.
Seven and a half months pregnant (i.e. elbow-deep in my “nesting phase”), I decided to take Jackson to Hobby Lobby this morning to find some small accent pieces for our home. There is something about being in a shopping cart that brings out the worst in my little man…
Once he starts fussing, I try to redirect him (pointing out items in the store and talking about them). Then I give him a toy to play with as we’re shopping. He calms down, but bursts into tears throughout the store.
Then I try singing softly to him as we walk. This seems to work, although he lets out a loud yell every minute or so.
Out of the blue, an older woman stops me in the aisle and asks, “Why is he is crying?”
Surprised by this question, I responded, “Well…I don’t know.”
Her eyes grew very wide and a scowl came over her face, and she charged her cart forward and walked away.
I was stunned.
There are only so many ways to calm a child in a store. Our parenting philosophy is that we will continue to do these things (like shopping) and he will eventually get the hang of it. The more we avoid uncomfortable situations now, the harder they will become in the future. (We do not set him up for failure–every effort is made to shop quickly when he is rested and well-fed.)
What makes me so upset is how defensive I feel about my own parenting.
Sometimes I wonder what it is about parenting that makes EVERYONE feel like they can be a proper judge??
I just can’t imagine stopping a pregnant lady in a store (who is quietly singing to a toddler to calm him down) to make her feel like dirt.
Becoming a parent, though, makes you MUCH less critical of other parents, especially when a child is throwing a tantrum. Have you experienced this karmic kick in the pants with your own children?
© 2010, Amy. All rights reserved.
{ 6 comments }
I remember the day when Hubbie and I would get frustrated by screaming kiddos in a store, now we sympathize with them. Ignore the rude and rather strange remark and continue your parenting style.
Take care!
Dee
Dee,
It is funny that you say that because my husband and I have discussed this many times. You just never know when the screaming child…might be your own:)
Thank you for your kind words!
Amy
My philosophy is that I do my best to control the way my children behave in public, but there are times that I just can’t. I can, however, control my own behavior.
I don’t always like hearing a kid screaming in a store, but I HATE hearing a parent screaming at a kid in a store. I think singing is a great alternative!
Joanna,
Thanks so much for your comment. Since Jackson is only 15 months old, I feel like “distractions” are my greatest form of discipline at this time. He just isn’t ready for a time-out or anything like that. (He just wouldn’t get it at this point.) So I have a number of ways to diffuse situations, but sometimes they don’t work 100% effectively.
I don’t want to be that screaming mom in a store. I would rather abandon my cart and plans than lose my temper.
Thanks so much for your kind words.
Amy
Grrrr…people like that woman make me crazy. What happened to the saying, “Don’t judge people until you’ve walked in their shoes.”
I remember when Oldman was 15 months, he was acting up something fierce at a restaurant full of old people. Distracting him did nothing and by the time we could get him to the bathroom for correction he had no idea what it was for. So we stood our ground right then and there at our table. Oldman was HACKED, but after about 15 minutes of him (and me) crying, we won. I thought we were going to get kicked out. Instead, couple after couple walked by our table encouraging us that we did the right thing. Interestingly enough, Oldman never tried to cross that boundary in a restaurant again. Stay tuff, Amy!
Oh I hate this kind of thing. I sometimes feel like telling people, “You know I am doing my best here!” It’s frustrating. I was at a thrift store on post the other day and this 2 year old little boy was throwing a fit about wanting a certain car. Well the mom was totally being bashed by a lot of the other ladies. I felt so bad for her. It’s just frustrating because I am sure all of us will experience that fit at one time. But it seems like before it happens to a person, others judge on it. I have been guilty of that myself.
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