Jackson throwing away one of his board books.
Recently I began attending an early childhood parenting class at our church. Each week I find myself wondering, “When should Jackson be (somewhat) accountable for his actions?”
Okay, okay, I’ll give you that he’s only 13 months old. My expectations aren’t really that high, but now that he is walking and moving around, he needs to listen when I say “No.” We will soon be at a stage where he will need to listen for his own safety.
Let me show you what I’m working with…
He’s an awesome, curious kid. We have “bomb proofed” or “baby proofed” our downstairs so that it is a safe place for him to play. I love it because I rarely have to say “no” when he’s playing.
But…
Jackson loves to dip his hands into Juno’s water bowl. Did I mention he likes to splash the water around like he’s in a water park?! I look at him and say, “No, no, Jackson,” he grins at me and keeps splashing (most of the time). Every morning I place the dog bowls outside because I don’t know exactly what to do when he continues to play with the bowl after I say “no” and he doesn’t respond.
He also loves our new trash can, which means he hunts for trash treasures whenever I turn my back. After I say, “No, no, Jackson,” continues to pull out loose items of trash. Sometimes he may walk away, but he is back at the trash within a minute ready to hunt for banana peels or used paper towels. YUCK!! So every morning I place the garbage can in the garage so that we don’t have to go ’round and round’ all day over trash.
Here’s my dilemma
What can be reasonably expected from a 13 month old baby? My baby. Several friends in my class suggested that I put him in his high chair for a minute if he doesn’t respond to a “No” when he’s dog bowl splashing or trash diving.
Is it time to bring in the dog bowl and trash can?? My goal is to maintain a positive home environment, while having children that respect their parents. Have you encountered this with your children? If so, I’d love to know your ideas.
© 2010, Amy. All rights reserved.
{ 10 comments }
The best thing that worked for us was after we said “no”, we would distract them with something else. It was only after they got to the point of refusing to be distracted and intent on pushing the boundaries did we punish them for disobeying. Then it was time out…but I wouldn’t use a place that is used for something else. You don’t want him to associate his highchair as punishment or you might start having feeding issues. It’s always difficult because each child needs their own boundaries and cause/effect. I hope this gives you some thoughts though. You’re a great mom, Amy!!!
I agree! I just wanted to say to not use a place (high chair) already used for something else as a time out. Our time out spots are totally separate from another activity.
As a side note, we discipline as soon as there is a sign from the little one of open defiance or not responding to the easy ‘no’. Consistency in discipline is the most difficult, but key to respect for you from the kiddos.
I agree with not using the high chair as a “time-out” place. I tap Jax’s hand when he touches or gets into things that he shouldn’t be in. I say “Jax NO” very firmly once. Then when he continues to do it I say “Jax NO” and tap his hand. Sometimes I do it hard enough to hear a sound. Not super hard, but hard enough that he feels it. He is definitely learning what no means. He doesn’t always stop doing something, but he turns and looks at me first and then thinks about whether he should do it again (which he usually does. ha!)… but it’s definitely working!
I think 13 months is way too young for discipline — he will not get it! I just babyproofed and distracted, babyproofed and distracted. You might need to get a new garbage can! I think I once read that 18 months is the earliest you can get any discipline strategy to work, but for me, it was really around age 3. Distract, distract, distract!
I think its too young to discipline. He will understand that you’re upset with him when you put him in the chair, and when he gets back down, he will undoubtedly go right back!
I had one girl who I started ‘disciplining’ like that at 16 months. She was SO stubborn. In hind’s site the way I ealt with #2, and #3 was better. Baby proof, and pick your battles. For playing in my plants – that was a battle I was willing to die on – that and spitting (intentionally) while eating. For the spitting thing, I would tap his mouth, (like a bad! Mouth Not to hurt, but to give her the idea it was a BAD idea). For the playing in dirt, I would go get her and remove her. She would go back . I would remove her. Th epoint in this little battle of the wills is to win – I had to remove her MORE times than she went to the plant. Then I was boss, no indirect or time – punishments. It was immediate, it was natural. And I still got MY way, which is important at any age, I believe. But that early, a child isn’t going to realize – “If I go to the plan, I’m going to sit in my highchair.”. He only thinks, “I want to go to the plant!! Now!” Heck, even I lack foresight in lots of areas. 
My two bits.
Ahh, what an interesting subject. In fact, I think I wrote a blog post on this very thing when my son was about 1. It is interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts and opinions.
What worked for us at an early age of 13 mo. is a LOT of re-direction. I did end up taking the dog’s water bowls up off the floor for a few hours every day just so it wasn’t a temptation.
We also started a “time out” mat. I bought a cheap little door mat at Walmart and put it in an area that wasn’t “fun” (not by his toys, his room, the TV, etc) I put ours in our foyer by the dining room. We started introducing it a few times. My mom (who has her masters in early education) always reminded me not to dicipline in places like the crib or the highchair. Because then the child would associate his crib or highchair as a Bad place. And we sure don’t want that thought when it’s bedtime or suppertime!
I think it’s great to “introduce” a little discipline but it really isn’t going to stick until a few months down the road.
(Warning: I may ruffle some feathers here!) I am a firm believer in not rearranging the house and doing only the extreme necessity of babyproofing. With all 3 of our kiddos, we worked daily with them, even from the moment they learned to crawl, to teach them boundaries and the meaning of “no.” Sometimes that meant distracting them, and sometimes that meant a “tap” on the hand or the diaper. And sometimes just the tone of our voices when we said “no” made the difference. I personally think Jackson is plenty old enough to start to understand boundaries. When I kept him here that day, he reached for something on my end table, and I said, “No, Jackson.” He immediately toddled away and found a toy. He understands!
And he knows you love him, and whatever method of discipline you choose won’t change that! 
Oh, and I agree – the highchair or the crib shouldn’t be used as a “time-out” spot, or he will begin to resist both those places! If you use time-out, I would make a new place just for that!
WOW–What a terrific response!! Thank you guys so much for all your thoughtful information. It is making me realize that I need to start researching his cognitive development and differing parenting strategies! Thank you again for taking the time to help out this frazzled mom!!
Love this blog and the advice. We are having the same problem with the exact same 2 items..the dog water and trash can..he loves the trash can YUCK!! I go get him and remove him from it, tell him no, it is dirty and I tap his hand but only when he has gone back over and over again. I do have 2 metal glass baskets on my living room floor and i refused to move them..he still messes with them on occasion but pretty mush now he leaves them alone it took a lot of going and getting him and moving him and just telling him no those are mommies. Call me girl!!! Hope you are doing well.
PS when I think it is time to get out the time out spot I am using one of the carpet squares you can get free from a carpet store..that way it is transportable.
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