This afternoon, while unbuckling Jackson from his car seat at the grocery store, I heard the noise of someone coming too close to my car. My head (and pony tail) whipped around, eyes fierce and ready to conquer anyone who might want to harm my “bear cub.”
It was a guy in his twenties with too much change in his pocket rattling around. He was making his way around my car to the store entrance. My “do not mess with me” face was ready, but he seemed totally unaware that he had intruded into my personal space.
****
In the (relatively empty) section of the bakery, I was picking out some muffins from behind the thick plastic doors, when I could feel someone nearby. I flinched and quickly looked around to see if someone was too close or doing something unusual.
But it was just another shopper passing by.
****
This is not my natural disposition. I am not afraid of strangers, nor do I think people are lurking around the grocery store to hurt me.
Recently, my husband deployed and my nerves are on edge.
We have been apart for several months before, but this is our first long term separation. Did I mention this is our first long term separation since we had Jackson?
I feel a little antsy and my home feels a little empty.
My hopeful heart thinks this is just a stage. Soon a new routine will emerge. Soon I will feel more comfortable being the physical protector of my child. My house.
© 2010, Amy. All rights reserved.
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I’m so sorry
The first few days/weeks are the WORST! I’ll be praying for you guys.. and let me know is you ever wanna meet up for coffee or lunch or something!
Thank you so much Jenna!! I am so hopeful that this will pass! I would love to grab coffee with you sometime!
Just thinking about you during this time of transition. I hope blogging about it helps. You always hear about how brave the soldiers must be, but I can’t help but think about your bravery as well.
Angie,
Thank you so much. We are a flexible family, ready to bounce back, so I am sure this “funk” won’t last forever:) I really appreciate your kind words.
Amy
While I have never been in your situation, I have dealt with anxiety about a medical condition in our family, and that put me “on edge” for some time. Talking to people who understood me helped, but time really was the greatest healer. Thinking of you — know we are all here to support you! -H
Hi Hollee,
Thank you so much for your sweet words. I just really have a hard time “not feeling like myself” so I hope this jittery feeling passes quickly. It is crazy how you can really feel supported by people you meet through blogs. It’s wonderful!
Amy
Take care! The first few weeks are definitely the most difficult. It does get “better”. It’s weird sensation to be so on guard like that for sure. Do your best to relax at home with little one as you can and do things that make you laugh.
Thank you so much, Dee, for your warm comment. I keep hearing that this new routine will begin to feel normal soon. You’ve inspired me to think about renting some comedies this week–that always helps the heart!
Amy,
It will get easier, it is hard to be alone and have your loved one deployed. While I have yet to do a deployment with a child I can imagine that it is a lot like when I moved last year and knew no one up in NY. It will really be ok. I know you can do this and settle into a new routine. Just remember it’s not day one of him being gone it’s a day closer to him coming home! I’m only an email away
Jessi
Oh Amy…my heart hears your heart. How you military wives do this, I’ll never know, but I do know you are a fierce mama bear and a very strong woman. I hope the peace settles in soon so you can enjoy those wonderful mommy moments with Jackson and Click-Clack boy #2.
Wish I could hug your neck, girl!
The first part is really hard, then you get use it a little more. *hugs*
I will be thinking of you and hoping you and Jackson find your ‘new’ groove soon. I like the idea of renting some movies that will make you…laughter always helps you feel a little better
Garrett is super excited about meeting Jackson and I am psyched to hang out with you! Let me know when you’re ready!! =) Love and prayers your way from VA!! =)
Come on down!!! SO EXCITED TO HAVE YOU GUYS!!
Amy…thinking of you during this time. I can’t imagine what you go through…but for just a few minutes you made me realize what a struggle it is for you… Thinking of you and sending you hugs and smiles all the way from Colorado!
Thanks so much, Sara! Your kind words put a big smile on my face! Can’t wait for your blog!!!
Amy,
My heart aches for you. We’re beginning our second long deployment (over a year) next week. Having done it before with little ones, I’d like to say all the good stuff about the routine emerging, that the jitters subside, that you eventually learn to sleep in the empty bed without waking ten times each night… but I know none of it is really what you need to hear right now. Know that, from one military wife to another who is doing the same thing this year, you have my prayers, and remember that it is okay to feel, to hurt, and to take it easy for a while. Here’s to no jitters and lots of foreign phone calls.
Ashleigh,
Thank you so much for your kind message. I am praying for you during this deployment and especially this week, as the beginning seems to be the toughest part. Or at least that’s my hope. Do you have to make that long drive back alone??
Sending hugs from Fort Bragg!
Amy
Amy,
I know exactly how you feel. My husband deployed 1 day before our daughter was 6 months old (and on Thanksgiving Day no less). I would like to say it gets easier, but for me the last months were the hardest. Everyone is different though. We survived 3 loooong deployments while at Ft. Drum.
By the time he is back you’ll be amazed at the strength you had during the deployment, even if you don’t recognize it at the time. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get to revel in tons of support for your military family!
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