Jessi is one of the best educators I have ever had the pleasure of working with; not to mention, she makes working a lot of fun!! When she was completing her bachelor’s degree, she was my assistant in my Kindergarten class. She was so devoted and kind that she would actually go clock out, then return to my classroom and work until the job was done. Just a few days after the school year ended, she got engaged and became an Army wife. Let her tell you the story…
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
I grew up in Sierra Vista, Arizona which is right outside of Fort Huachuca. I met my husband while he was stationed at Ft. Huachuca two years ago. We are currently stationed at Fort Drum, New York. In a few short weeks my husband and I will be packing to move to Germany.
This is the first holiday season we are together for and we are spending both at his family’s house. I had a hard year last year with my husband gone. I had surgery, I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, I taught my first year, I moved across country— all without my husband.
Did growing up in a military town make the idea of being an Army wife more or less appealing?
I think growing up in a military town it helped me to better understand what it would be like as an Army wife. I wouldn’t trade it for anything now because of all the experiences I’ve had. I have many family members who served, which helped me to understand Army life, too. Growing up I swore that I’d never date a military member and here I am now an Army wife.
Your husband recently returned from a deployment, can you talk about what that experience was like?
His deployment was a rough year that brought us together and made our relationship stronger. The first ten months flew by with the last month and half dragging by. We both grew up and into people that make our parents proud.
I was hired as a teacher two days before he deployed, and I worked the rest of the school year which helped pass the time. All the grading, teaching, lesson plans and everything else helped to make me not think about what I was missing with my husband. He normally had tons of work but some weeks he had nothing to do. Those weeks I think were the hardest for him because his mind wasn’t busy.
This was the first homecoming for both of us. He has been home now for a little over a month, but it seems as if he just got home yesterday. His parents and sister drove up (they live two hours away from Ft. Drum) to welcome him home with me.
You had health problems over the past year or so, how did you handle all of this while your husband was away?
At first I brushed it off as a stomach because I was working with Amy in a Kindergarten classroom. As it started to happen more often, family pushed me to go to the doctor.
Later we discovered it was my gall bladder that was making me ill. After 9 months of testing and blood work, I kept pushing the doctors to help me find out what was wrong. It was hard to have the health problems, but it was very frustrating to not know what was wrong with me.
Both my husband and I struggled with what to do but both came to terms that I’d probably have surgery while he was gone. With my parents with me, my husband and I decided it would be best for him to stay in Iraq and not come home for my surgery. All went well, he was able to call and check up on me after my surgery and he even sent me get well flowers!
Did your husband’s job affect your wedding plans/arrangements?
At first we were thinking about planning a nice big wedding for March 2009. I had a feeling that he’d most likely come down on deployment orders when he arrived at Ft. Drum. Sure enough –he arrived at his Unit, and they welcomed him with bad news that he’d be leaving in October.
He called me and we discussed the possibility of getting married when he came home on leave that month. He came to visit me, and six days later we got married.
It was a beautiful wedding, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. At first, it was disheartening that I’d have to give up my dreams of a big wedding. Through the planning and the ceremony I felt as if I were a princess. We took our honeymoon a year late but it made it worth it getting to spend two guilt-free weeks in Hawaii!
How do you keep your marriage strong when you are separated?
My husband and I were fortunate enough to be able to talk twice a day, for most of his deployment. While we would talk, we also had other things going on. It was hard, but most days it was only a few words like “I love you,” after a few weeks of these short messages he finally figured out the best time to talk to me would be during my planning period.
We would then spend most of that time talking through text messaging on my cell phone and him on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). I sent tons of care packages with food, silly toys along with letters and cards.
I don’t even think we truly fought the whole time he was gone. The time we were able to talk was too precious to waste on stupid fights and being mad at each other. I’d make sure to tell him about the little things that happened at home, at work or just in life while he was gone.
I know that you are enrolled in a Master’s program for teaching, how has your experience in the Army affected your experience with this?
When looking into universities for my Master’s Degree, I had to look for ones that offered online degrees where I wouldn’t have to go in to take tests or attend classes. I also looked for ones that were Military Friendly with Military discounts as we are paying for it out of pocket.
How do you plan for the future when you know you will be making a major change every few years?
This has to be the hardest thing. I can’t really plan for the future because tomorrow might not hold what we have planned. We have talked about starting a family in a few years because we are scheduled for the next three years to be in Germany.
We are both looking forward to starting our family, but want to spend time together with each other first. As for now, we take each day as it comes and plan little things such as where we are spending the holidays.
What is the best advice you could give to a new Army wife?
Best advice I ever received was to live each day like it’s your last one together. Also, I was told not get your hopes up over plans. You have to be flexible and to be able to let go of control of your life at times.
Oh and don’t cry over something you can’t change.
How do you maintain friendships and create new ones as you relocate every few years?
This is probably the thing that is always on our minds. When moving up here I was very hesitant to make friends, but came to realize if I didn’t it would be a lonely few months. I have made several life-long friendships, as well as ones that will end when we move. It’s a tough thing to get close to others with knowing that one of you will be moving and going elsewhere.
As Amy likes to remind me you never know when you will be together again, because as we all know the Army moves us around a lot! I look forward to getting reacquainted with friends later on down the line. If it’s meant to be it will happen.
What is your biggest challenge?
My biggest challenge is letting go of the unknown things that are going to happen in the future. I’m a planner and being an Army wife at the same time is a huge challenge.
What is the greatest opportunity?
The greatest opportunity is being able to travel. With each move you have a new area to explore, with new stores, restaurants, history and outside things to do.
After we move to Germany, we will be able to travel around Europe and explore more in the three years we will be there than some get to do in their lifetimes.
What do you want to share that I didn’t ask?
Even though I’m an Army wife, I don’t always follow in the steps of others. Sometimes you hear of those who cheat, who party, who lie or do the worst things imaginable while their loved ones are away. It takes a strong person to love someone in the Military because of the lifestyle.
It is not something anyone can do. You have to be level headed, strong and independent. Sometimes things happen in our lives that make us take a step back and think about our loved ones who are protecting us so we can have our freedom.
© 2009, Amy. All rights reserved.
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Thank you so much, Jessi, for a wonderful interview. I hadn’t realized how much you had done all on your own this past year. You are truly a strong woman, and I am so grateful to know you.
Thank you so much Amy for your kind words. You know how much I don’t like to be recognized for what I do. I’d rather just do it and get it over with. I was so anxious to come home and see this in print! Hope your move this week goes well.
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